{"id":436,"date":"2009-07-30T07:28:37","date_gmt":"2009-07-30T04:28:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/?p=436"},"modified":"2020-03-11T21:46:40","modified_gmt":"2020-03-11T17:46:40","slug":"balaca-%c9%99hm%c9%99din-boyuk-arzulari","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/?p=436","title":{"rendered":"BALACA \u018fHM\u018fD\u0130N B\u00d6Y\u00dcK ARZULARI…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"balaca_ehmed\"<\/a>Sentyabr\u0131n 1-d\u0259 birinci sinf\u0259 getm\u0259k ist\u0259mirdim…<\/strong>
\nLakin h\u0259min g\u00fcn ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u201c5\u201d qiym\u0259ti b\u00fct\u00fcn h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131 d\u0259yi\u015fdi<\/strong>
\nH\u0259r bir insan\u0131n \u00f6m\u00fcr boyu unuda bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yi u\u015faql\u0131q xatir\u0259l\u0259ri m\u00f6vcuddur. Sevincli-k\u0259d\u0259rli u\u015faql\u0131q ill\u0259ri. M\u0259nim d\u0259 u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131m he\u00e7 d\u0259 f\u0259rqli olmay\u0131b. 1989-cu ild\u0259 sentyabr\u0131n 1-d\u0259 ilk d\u0259f\u0259 idi ki, s\u0259h\u0259r saat 7-d\u0259 yuxudan dururdum. Ax\u015famdan anam b\u00fct\u00fcn paltarlar\u0131m\u0131 t\u0259mizl\u0259yib, \u00fct\u00fcl\u0259yib haz\u0131rlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Onun n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r sevindiyini, eyni zamanda h\u0259y\u0259can ke\u00e7irdiyini onda h\u0259l\u0259 ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fcrd\u00fcm. O zamanlar \u00e7ox kas\u0131b vaxtlar idi. \u00d6lk\u0259d\u0259 d\u0259 v\u0259ziyy\u0259t he\u00e7 d\u0259 \u00fcr\u0259ka\u00e7an deyildi. Atam, anam \u2013 h\u0259r ikisi i\u015fl\u0259yirdi. Biz is\u0259 \u00fc\u00e7 u\u015faq idik. Evin son be\u015fiyi m\u0259n idim. H\u0259m d\u0259 evin \u201cb\u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fc\u201d idim. \u00c7\u00fcnki, r\u0259hm\u0259tlik babam\u0131n ad\u0131n\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 qoymu\u015fdular. Atam dey\u0259rdi ki, \u201cail\u0259mizd\u0259 bir d\u0259n\u0259 ki\u015fi varsa, o da s\u0259ns\u0259n\u201d. M\u0259n\u0259 \u00fcmidl\u0259r \u00e7ox b\u00f6y\u00fck idi. Anam h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 dey\u0259rdi ki, \u201co\u011flum alim olsun\u201d. Amma ail\u0259mizin maddi durumu buna imkan vermirdi. Yad\u0131mdad\u0131r, Xutor adlanan gec\u0259qondu tipli tikilil\u0259rd\u0259 ya\u015fay\u0131rd\u0131q.<\/p>\n

…Art\u0131q evd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xmaq vaxt\u0131d\u0131r. Anam m\u0259ni t\u0259l\u0259sdirir, m\u0259n is\u0259 m\u0259kt\u0259b\u0259 getm\u0259k ist\u0259mirdim. Anam cibim\u0259 \u00e7oxlu konfet v\u0259 saqq\u0131z qoymu\u015fdu ki, m\u0259nim ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 aldats\u0131n. Getdik N\u0259simi rayonundak\u0131 9 sayl\u0131 m\u0259kt\u0259bin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na. \u0130zdiham var idi. Ham\u0131 g\u00fcl-\u00e7i\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259 m\u0259kt\u0259b\u0259 g\u0259lmi\u015fdi. Ama m\u0259nim \u0259limd\u0259 t\u0259kc\u0259 \u00e7anta var idi, qorxumdan anam\u0131n \u0259ll\u0259rind\u0259n b\u0259rk-b\u0259rk yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. \u0130lk z\u0259ng \u00e7al\u0131nanda, diksindim v\u0259 a\u011flama\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m. Anam \u00fcst\u00fcm\u0259 q\u0131\u015fq\u0131r\u0131r, amma m\u0259n daha da a\u011flay\u0131rd\u0131m. \u201cM\u0259n oxuya, yaza bilmir\u0259m\u201d deyirdim. Bird\u0259n k\u0259nardan Roza m\u00fc\u0259llim\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131 v\u0259 ad\u0131m\u0131 soru\u015fdu. A\u011flaya-a\u011flaya \u201c\u018fhm\u0259d\u0259m\u201d dedim. Dedi, \u201cAy \u018fhm\u0259d, el\u0259 bura oxumaq-yazmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn g\u0259lirl\u0259r d\u0259. A\u011flama!\u201d dedi. Biz sinf\u0259 daxil olduq. Amma i\u00e7imd\u0259 qorxu durmadan art\u0131rd\u0131. \u0130lk m\u00fc\u0259llim\u0259m olan Roza m\u00fc\u0259llim\u0259 m\u0259nim b\u00f6y\u00fck qarda\u015f v\u0259 bac\u0131ma da d\u0259rs dediyind\u0259n m\u0259n\u0259 x\u00fcsusi qay\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6st\u0259rirdi. Onun birinci sinf\u0259 ilk sual\u0131 \u201c\u018flifba\u201d kitab\u0131n\u0131n ilk s\u0259hif\u0259sind\u0259ki d\u0259nizl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 oldu. \u201cU\u015faqlar, bu hans\u0131 d\u0259nizdir?\u201d soru\u015fdu. M\u0259n is\u0259 X\u0259z\u0259rd\u0259n ba\u015fqa d\u0259niz tan\u0131m\u0131rd\u0131m. Tez \u0259limi qald\u0131r\u0131b \u201cX\u0259z\u0259r d\u0259nizidir, m\u00fc\u0259llim\u0259!\u201d dedim. H\u0259min g\u00fcn Roza m\u00fc\u0259llim\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 \u201c5\u201d qiym\u0259ti verdi. Sevincimin h\u0259ddi-h\u00fcdudu yox idi. Elmin bu q\u0259d\u0259r asan olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmirdim. Art\u0131q \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc \u0259la\u00e7\u0131 hiss edirdim. O vaxtdan m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259r \u015fey asan g\u0259lm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015fald\u0131. \u018fslind\u0259, he\u00e7 n\u0259 asan olmur, sad\u0259c\u0259 i\u00e7imd\u0259ki inam m\u0259nim g\u00f6zl\u0259rimi ba\u011flay\u0131rd\u0131, b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00e7\u0259tinlikl\u0259ri ki\u00e7ik g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

\"balaca_Ahmed\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Yad\u0131mdad\u0131r, \u018flifban\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259nib qurtard\u0131qdan sonra, \u201cAna dili\u201d f\u0259nni ba\u015flay\u0131rd\u0131. Ham\u0131 o kitab\u0131 almal\u0131yd\u0131. H\u0259min g\u00fcn evimizd\u0259 bir az s\u00f6z-s\u00f6hb\u0259t oldu. Anam israrla h\u0259min kitab\u0131n m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn al\u0131nmas\u0131n\u0131 atamdan t\u0259l\u0259b edirdi. S\u0259h\u0259r gedib, ax\u015fam g\u0259l\u0259n atam is\u0259 \u201cu\u015faqlar\u0131n \u0259yin-ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131, \u00e7\u00f6r\u0259yini g\u00fccl\u0259 \u00e7atd\u0131r\u0131ram, kitab-d\u0259ft\u0259rini nec\u0259 alacam\u201d dey\u0259r\u0259k, bu kitab\u0131 alacaq pulumuzun olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bildirdi. H\u0259min g\u00fcn \u00e7ox a\u011flad\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnki m\u0259niml\u0259 eyni partada \u0259y\u0259\u015f\u0259n o\u011flan v\u0259 q\u0131zlar\u0131n ham\u0131s\u0131 h\u0259min Ana dili kitab\u0131n\u0131 alm\u0131\u015fd\u0131lar. Roza m\u00fc\u0259llim\u0259 m\u0259nd\u0259n kitab\u0131 x\u0259b\u0259r tutanda \u201cAtam ezamiyy\u0259td\u0259dir, g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259m als\u0131n\u201d deyirdim. \u015e\u00fcbh\u0259siz ki, bunu bel\u0259 dem\u0259yi anam m\u0259n\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259tmi\u015fdi. Q\u0259h\u0259r m\u0259ni bo\u011furdu, amma bir kitaba g\u00f6r\u0259 ata-anam\u0131 da\u011fa-da\u015fa salmaq da ist\u0259mirdim. T\u0259qrib\u0259n 1 ay Ana dili kitab\u0131m olmad\u0131. M\u0259kt\u0259bd\u0259n sonra \u0259lav\u0259 m\u0259\u015f\u011f\u0259l\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 qal\u0131r, sinif yolda\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n Ana dili kitab\u0131ndan k\u00f6\u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcrd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Bir g\u00fcn xaricd\u0259 ya\u015fayan day\u0131m biz\u0259 g\u0259lmi\u015fdi. M\u0259n evd\u0259 yox idim. Yen\u0259 ad\u0259ti \u00fczr\u0259 m\u0259\u015f\u011f\u0259l\u0259d\u0259 idim. Anamdan m\u0259ni soru\u015fdu. M\u0259nim kitab\u0131m olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259, \u0259lav\u0259 m\u0259\u015f\u011f\u0259l\u0259y\u0259 qald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 day\u0131ma bildir\u0259nd\u0259 anam \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc saxlaya bilm\u0259di v\u0259 a\u011flama\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131. \u0130mkans\u0131zl\u0131qdan \u015fikay\u0259t etdi. Day\u0131m d\u0259rhal anama kitab almaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn art\u0131qlamas\u0131yla pul verdi. H\u0259min g\u00fcn m\u0259nim h\u0259yat\u0131mda \u0259n xo\u015fb\u0259xt g\u00fcn idi. M\u0259n ev\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 \u00e7ox sevindim. S\u0259h\u0259risi g\u00fcn anamla birlikd\u0259 m\u0259kt\u0259b\u0259 getdik v\u0259 h\u0259min Ana dili kitab\u0131n\u0131 kitabxanadan pul verib ald\u0131q. Ana-bala o q\u0259d\u0259r sevinmi\u015fdik ki, h\u0259tta day\u0131m\u0131n verdiyi \u0259lav\u0259 pulla \u015f\u0259kil d\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kdirdik.<\/p>\n

H\u0259min kitab\u0131 o q\u0259d\u0259r \u00f6zl\u0259mi\u015fdim ki, h\u0259r g\u00fcn sev\u0259-sev\u0259 oxuyurdum. D\u0259rsl\u0259rim\u0259 d\u0259 haz\u0131rla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. O kitab\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n ay\u0131rm\u0131rd\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnki, o Ana dili kitab\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 uzun bir h\u0259sr\u0259td\u0259n sonra qism\u0259t olmu\u015fdu. Anam da o kitab\u0131 h\u0259r g\u00fcn \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fc n\u0259m \u0259ski il\u0259 silib t\u0259mizl\u0259yirdi.<\/p>\n

\"balaca_Ahmed-1\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Bel\u0259c\u0259 ilb\u0259il sinifd\u0259n sinf\u0259 ke\u00e7dim. Orta m\u0259kt\u0259bi yax\u015f\u0131 oxumu\u015fam, \u0259sas\u0259n ana dili, \u0259d\u0259biyyat, riyaziyyat, ingilis dili, tarix f\u0259nl\u0259rini sevirdim. Kimya, fizika v\u0259 co\u011frafiyan\u0131 can d\u0259rdi oxuyurdum, he\u00e7 h\u0259v\u0259sim yox idi bu f\u0259nl\u0259r\u0259. 9-cu sinifd\u0259 oxuyark\u0259n imtahan verib lisey\u0259 q\u0259bul oldum. Humanitar t\u0259may\u00fcll\u00fc lisey\u0259. Onda art\u0131q yek\u0259 o\u011flan idim. 11-ci sinf\u0259 ke\u00e7\u0259nd\u0259 yen\u0259 qay\u011f\u0131lar ba\u015flad\u0131. Sinifd\u0259 dem\u0259k olar ki, ham\u0131 m\u00fc\u0259llim yan\u0131na gedirdi, haz\u0131rla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Amma ail\u0259mizin v\u0259ziyy\u0259tini bilib atama bunu dem\u0259y\u0259 c\u00fcr\u0259t etm\u0259dim. Onsuz da m\u0259kt\u0259b vaxt\u0131 d\u0259rsl\u0259rimi normal oxuyurdum, fikirl\u0259\u015firdim ki, bir az da oxuyub t\u0259krarlasam, universitet\u0259 daxil olaram.<\/p>\n

Bir g\u00fcn atamla ciddi s\u00f6hb\u0259tim oldu. M\u0259ni yan\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131. Dedi, bilir\u0259m ham\u0131 kimi s\u0259n d\u0259 haz\u0131rl\u0131\u011fa getm\u0259k ist\u0259yirs\u0259n. Dedim yox, ist\u0259mir\u0259m. Amma atam \u00f6z dediyini deyirdi. Dedi imkan edib s\u0259ni haz\u0131rl\u0131\u011fa qoya bil\u0259r\u0259m, amma onda ail\u0259mizin dig\u0259r probleml\u0259rini yoluna qoya bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yik. Onda t\u0259z\u0259 ev alm\u0131\u015fd\u0131q, onun t\u0259mirini edirdik. Fikirl\u0259\u015fdim ki, m\u0259n haz\u0131rl\u0131\u011fa gets\u0259m, t\u0259mir yar\u0131m\u00e7\u0131q qalacaq. Odur ki, t\u0259k haz\u0131rla\u015fma\u011fa q\u0259rar verdim. M\u0259nc\u0259 humanitar f\u0259nl\u0259r \u00fczr\u0259 m\u00fc\u0259llim yan\u0131na getm\u0259k z\u0259ruri deyil. Kitabdan oxuyursan, yadda saxlay\u0131rsan. V\u0259ss\u0259lam.<\/p>\n

Ciddi v\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 t\u0259l\u0259bkar g\u00fcnl\u0259rim ba\u015flad\u0131. \u018fn pis hal\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn qaba\u011f\u0131na g\u0259tirdim. Fikirl\u0259\u015fdim ki, \u018fhm\u0259d, t\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr el\u0259 s\u0259n universitet\u0259 qabul ola bilm\u0259din. Atav\u0131n, anav\u0131n arzular\u0131 pu\u00e7a \u00e7\u0131xacaq. Atam h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 ist\u0259yirdi ki, m\u0259n prokuror olum. Anam is\u0259 bir q\u0259d\u0259r yum\u015faq sah\u0259ni arzulay\u0131rd\u0131. Deyirdi, \u201cist\u0259yir\u0259m o\u011flum alim olsun. Qoy n\u0259slimizd\u0259 bir d\u0259n\u0259 d\u0259 alim olsun\u201d. \u015e\u00fcbh\u0259siz ki, m\u0259n ilk n\u00f6vb\u0259d\u0259 bir v\u0259t\u0259nda\u015f kimi c\u0259miyy\u0259td\u0259 hans\u0131 m\u00f6vqeni tuta bil\u0259c\u0259yimi \u00f6z\u00fcm \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ay\u0131rd edirdim. Ata v\u0259 anam\u0131n ist\u0259kl\u0259rini d\u0259 maksimum n\u0259z\u0259r\u0259 alma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

\"1\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc qrupa s\u0259n\u0259dl\u0259rimi verdim. D\u00f6rd f\u0259nn \u00fczr\u0259 b\u00fct\u00fcn kitablar\u0131 3 d\u0259f\u0259 oxumu\u015fdum. \u0130mtahan g\u00fcn\u00fc anam da m\u0259niml\u0259 birlikd\u0259 idi. \u00c7ox narahat idi. Suallar\u0131 yaz\u0131b \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m. 10-15 g\u00fcnd\u0259n sonra cavablar \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131 v\u0259 universitet t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259si oldum. O vaxt ata-anam\u0131n g\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259ki sevinci ilk d\u0259f\u0259 idi hiss etdim. H\u0259min sevinci t\u0259krar olaraq, bir d\u0259 bu ilin iyun ay\u0131n\u0131n 23-d\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Sad\u0259c\u0259 qanadlar\u0131 \u00e7at\u0131\u015fm\u0131rd\u0131 ki, valideynl\u0259rim havada u\u00e7sunlar. H\u0259min g\u00fcn m\u0259n namiz\u0259dliyimi m\u00fcdafi\u0259 edirdim, r\u0259sm\u0259n alim olurdum. Bu d\u0259f\u0259 anam dey\u0259n oldu. Anam \u00e7ox sevinirdi. Onlar\u0131n sevincinin pik s\u0259viyy\u0259y\u0259 qalxmas\u0131 bir anl\u0131q oldu. Universitetimizin qocaman bir professoru k\u00fcrs\u00fcy\u0259 \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b \u201cAy \u018fhm\u0259din valideynl\u0259ri, siz bug\u00fcn d\u00fcnyan\u0131n \u0259n xo\u015fb\u0259xt insanlar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z. O\u011flunuzla f\u0259xr ed\u0259 bil\u0259rsiniz\u201d dey\u0259nd\u0259 anam\u0131n g\u00f6zl\u0259rin\u0259 baxd\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7imd\u0259 h\u0259l\u0259 he\u00e7 vaxt hiss el\u0259m\u0259diyim bir hiss var idi. Q\u00fcrurdan partlay\u0131rd\u0131m. Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 yox ki, alim olmu\u015fam. M\u0259hz ona g\u00f6r\u0259 ki, m\u0259n anam\u0131n \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck arzusunu yerin\u0259 yetirmi\u015f oldum. Odur ki, anam\u0131 \u00e7ox sevir\u0259m. Allah b\u00fct\u00fcn analara uzun \u00f6m\u00fcr v\u0259 can sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 b\u0259x\u015f etsin!<\/p>\n

\u018fhm\u0259d \u015eahidov<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sentyabr\u0131n 1-d\u0259 birinci sinf\u0259 getm\u0259k ist\u0259mirdim… Lakin h\u0259min g\u00fcn ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u201c5\u201d qiym\u0259ti b\u00fct\u00fcn h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131 d\u0259yi\u015fdi H\u0259r bir insan\u0131n \u00f6m\u00fcr boyu unuda bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yi u\u015faql\u0131q xatir\u0259l\u0259ri m\u00f6vcuddur.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":437,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[236,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-436","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","category-article"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/wp-content\/uploads\/balaca_ehmed.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/436","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=436"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/436\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12493,"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/436\/revisions\/12493"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/437"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=436"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=436"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shahidov.com\/en\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=436"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}